Although there are different options for pregnancy such as: adoption or abortion. I’m going to talk about the option I chose. I had my first daughter at 16, I lived home until I was 20. My husband and I got our first apartment with hand me down furniture, no curtains, and just had the necessities. Our families helped us whenever they could and we raised two girls in a healthy environment with lots of love. We worked hard and went without, but we grew as a family and were able to be financially stable.
I’ve heard many people say, if you have a baby as a teenager, your life is over. Let me tell you, this is Not true! If you find out your teenager is pregnant, the first thing you have to do is stay calm. I can guarantee you that not only was she a nervous wreck to tell you the news, but her head is spinning on what she will do now. Depending if the dad is willing to be a part of this, she may have other worries too. Her world could be caving in around her and you are probably her biggest concern.
Let’s face some facts: There are plenty of woman who get pregnant in their 20’s and 30’s who are not married and who don’t have a partner who sticks around. They also, are single parents who depend on family and friends for support. It may seem a little easier for them because they already are in their career and out on their own.
Here are some steps you, as her mom or dad should do:
Tell her everything will be ok! Let her know she’ll be able to still have a wonderful life. Hopefully you’ll let her stay with you in your house so she doesn’t feel like she’s being thrown out on the street. If this is the case, she will be able to concentrate on the important things, like getting to a doctor, and finishing her education.
Make an appointment with a doctor to start prenatal care asap. The doctor can answer any questions and also help guide her on what to expect, her due date, what to eat, and many other important factors. Remember things have changed since you were pregnant.
Education is very important, you should encourage her to stay in school (whether high school or college). You should also encourage her to get at least a part time job (if she doesn’t already have one) and help her learn how to budget her money.
If you’re not in a position to help support the baby, call local agencies to see what help she can get. There are many state programs to help pregnant women. Remember though, this should be thought of as a temporary source of help and you should be guiding her on how to be able to support herself and her baby without help. If the baby’s father is in the picture, remember to be supportive of him too as I’m sure he’s freaking out as well. If he’s willing to stick around and be a part of the pregnancy, they’re off to a good start.
Talk to the boy’s parents, maybe you both can work something out and figure out how both parents can pitch in to help.
Be a mom to comfort and guide but don’t be overwhelming in telling her every little thing to do. Let her make her own choices but there’s nothing wrong with giving opinions.
This can be a wonderful time for you too as a grandparent. If you guide instead of tell, you will be able to enjoy being a grandparent and not feel like your raising another child. If you guide, she should be able to be on her own within a few years. Of course she will still need you, after all, we all need our moms no matter how old we are.
When you break down…. and you will… don’t do it in front of her. Call your BFF or you and your husband take a ride to get it out of your system.
What concerns do you have now that your teenager is pregnant?