Yes, I’m Pregnant. No you may not touch my belly

Pregnancy is an amazing time in a woman’s life. If you’ve been blessed to have this experience, chances are you’ve also had your fair share of “huh?” moments with what people (especially strangers) say AND do because you are pregnant. Being pregnant with baby boy #2 I’ve compiled a list of things that people think are perfectly acceptable simply because you are pregnant. I’m taking a stand in the overly politically correct society we live in, to say THINK before you SPEAK or DO something to a pregnant woman- whether she be a friend or stranger.

First off, I’d like to speak on behalf of all pregnant women (and particularly those like me who are germaphobes) when I say, NO you may NOT touch my belly. What gives you the right to place your grubby little hands palm down, fingers spread, against by non existent belly button and ask my baby to kick you? How would you like it if I placed my hand on the muffin top you have hanging over your jeans and asked your belly to give me a rumble? Uncomfortable, I’m sure.

We don’t care about your labor or birth stories, especially those that are horror stories and start with “After 56 hours of labor” or “My epidural didn’t work the first time”. If the epidural was in the wrong spot the first time, you had a migraine from it for 2 months after birth and you went for an epidural again with baby #2, you shouldn’t be reproducing- or admittingly telling people how not bright you are. When we really want first hand experiences about labor and birth, we’ll ask. And it will probably be to those close friends or family members that will give us honest, yet POSITIVE feedback.

Stop trying to guess my baby’s gender based on how my belly looks. You have a 50/50 shot of being right. If you think your “guesses” are so on point, perhaps you should go to the roulette table. There is NO correlation between having a boy and being all belly or having a girl and carrying all over. I’ve carried differently for both pregnancies and guess what .. BOTH boys!

My baby’s name and how I choose to share (or not share) is my business. If I’m willing to share my baby’s name with you, it doesn’t mean I’m looking for your approval. I don’t care what the name reminds you of or who you knew with the same (or similar) name. If you’re going to ask the name smile and nod in approval (even if you think the name Reginal is the worst name in the world). If I’m NOT sharing because I don’t have a name, haven’t narrowed down to one name, or just want to keep it all a surprise .. guess what I CAN! Contrary to popular belief you are not REQUIRED to tell people the name you are giving your baby. And if you don’t have a name and you’re 37 weeks pregnant, thats ok too.. luckily this isn’t one of the metrics thats used to evaluate the quality of your parenting.

Oh one more thing on the name game.. chances are we don’t want to name the baby after you, so as tempting as it is, if the name is still “unknown”,  don’t throw your name on the Suggestion List.

We don’t want to be compared to the reality Heidi Klums. We’re more on the Jenny McCarthy Belly Laughs track. We have big bellies and probably a ton of stretch marks. Don’t ask me how much I’ve gained or tell me I look like I can go “any day now” .. I still may have months left!

As tempting as it is to bombard pregnant women with hundreds of questions and give them every piece of experience and advise you possess.. DONT. Be positive, ask general non invasive questions and whatever you do … DO NOT TOUCH without asking.

What were some of your pregnancy pet peeves?